Category: Dating and Relationships
this morning on tv I watched part of a slot about an american woman who had married a brittish guy. his work permit ran out and he was deported from the states and because of some minor offence he had committed when he was a student, which he had completely forgotten about, he was not granted another visa to return, and has been told that he will never be allowed back in. Consequently, his wife, who had five children, decided to uproot and come over here to live. the problem was, that the father of two of her children refused to allow them to leave the country. so she left them behind, effectively, she chose her husband over her children, not only that, she left without telling them she was going. So .. would you do absolutely anything to be with the one you loved? or do you think there are limits
Oh my gosh. There are definately limits. I could/would never leave my child (when/if I have one)for nobody. Maybe if there was joint custody things could be worked out, but to leave and not say anthing to my children?!?! How awful would that be? My question is, how could any man be comfortable with his wife allowing that to happen?
absolutely, and wouldn't that potentially have implications on the current relationship? after all, this was her 3rd marriage, she had 1 child from the 1st, and his father was happy to let her take him out of the country, the 2 she left were from the 2nd marriage, and she had two by this current husband, so firstly, would that not leave the current husband thinking that if their marriage didn't work out, she might leave him with the kids, and what of the kids ... for the ones left behind, mummy went off and left us and took our siblings, hence she must love them more than us, and for the ones she took with her, mummy left our siblings behind, if the situation occurred again, would she leave us as well?
No. No, never. Well, I would do do a lot for love, but not if children, human beings, would be left behind because of that. This is cruel.
That is sad! What's happend to mother love!
I wood find a way to be with my hosbend and
my kids! I wood never leve them behind, onder no sercomstances!
Your woman is a selfish cow! But her children were probably aware of that they will grow up to hate her, and if the great love affair fails, will she come crawling back greeting "I'm sorry honey" People like her make me sick .....
However: if it was something like donating a kidney, or bone marrow, then I'd be there without question...
well one might wonder .. this sounds perhaps a little harsh, but this was her third marriage already ...
Knowing that 1 could not help but wonder what happened to the other 2 husbands, did she run off then as well, is she a serial house wrecker...and what of the children the damage caused by her abandonment will be felt for years to come,if you cant trust your mother?...
absolutely. after all, marriages do fail, but i think that if I had two failed marriages, I'd would seriously think twice before going there a third time, and if i was the one who was to be the third husband, that thought would have crossed my mind even before she abandoned her kids ...
Hmm and you have to ask yourself about the poor saps she married, they must have been very naive and easily pleased...If my intened had more than 2 failed marriages on their record,I'd be very nervous...
I agree Loopinsgirl!! I am sure there could have been away to live with husband and kids.
how. what if, in this instance, the husband can't live in the US because he can't get a visa, and the father of the kids has taken out a court order prenting them from leaving the US, then you have to choose! and as far as i'm concerned, there is no choice.
Well or at least they have to try and visit the child some days or - at least keeping contact. But just leaving it behind, doing nothing - that's inhuman.
well, I think she intended to keep in contact with the children, she did leave without telling them, but got in contact after she arrived in this country, and she does have plans to visit them in the future. But the fact of the matter is, she lives here, and they live in the states, and they're still young, 9 and 7, the distance is so great that you can't just nip over for an access visit once a week, and when she does visit, she has to visit without her husband - either way, how do you tell your kids that mummy was here one day, and now she's only going to see you every couple months. at least if she'd prepared them for the fact, the shock of it might be reduced somewhat as they would have had time to get used to it.
I think that the court systems should be more leinant. Many cases have it where there is joint custody and one parent get the child for say 6 months and the other parent gets the other child for 6 months and when the child is old enough ( I think it's age 13) then the child gets to choose where they want to live.
I disagree with that kind of arrangement, and in this country, joint custody arrangements are almost unheard of, the courts do not favour them at all as it is common belief that children need stability and routine and one place they can call home, and to give a child to one parent for one half of the year, and to another for the other half of the year can be very disruptive, especially if the parents live far apart, and especially if the children are still young. Children then do not get the chance to forge lasting friendships for instance, because six months is a long time in a child's life, and by the time they come back after their six month stay with daddy, the friends they made while they were here last time, have moved on and made new ones and that child has to start all over again.
I do however believe that every parent has the right to see his/her child, and I strongly disagree with these people (predominantly women I am ashamed to say), who use their children as pawns to get at their ex partners and prevent them from seeing them purely because they can.
She left without telling them? This is too much.
I agree with the diruptive aspect of it. I have a friend who has three children. Only one child lives with her all year round, and her other two from a previous marriage live with their father all year except for the summer when they are out of school, when they go and stay with their mother. It seems to work well for them. the communicate all of the time via phone and if there is ever anything serious going on then she flies down to see the kids. It's not ideal, but it is what they could find as a common ground.
well yeh such arrangements do work for some, and as long as the mother is constantly in touch with her child that is something at least. I think it becomes much more difficult the more partners you have, i.e. if you have 3 children from 3 different fathers and none of the fathers live with you any more, then you potentially have three different access arrangements ... wow complicated.
Too complicated if you ask me! It is very sad though because even in the best of circumstances there are bound to be some type of issues the the child/children will experience and have to deal with due to the divource and arrangments.
in most cases, if this was on the news, we dont always get the whole truth, cause theres always two sides to a story, so you never know what the real truth is. as far as doing anything for love, there are definitely limits, especially if children are involved. im sure there was some way they couldve worked staying together, but its hard to say.
I agree, love4all.
Anything for love? Yes, as long as it isn't giving up my child. I wouldn't do that for anyone, and I mean anyone. Give up my vocal Chords? Yes. In a heart beat, or anything else for that matter. I would rip out my vocal chords if I thought it would win the heart of the one I love. For those of you that know me, know that's a big deal.
I could and would never ever leave my daughter, or choose anyone over her! That's sick, crazy,selfish, and well, extremely sad!
I also want to say here, that in my parenting plan, I state that her father will be allowed to see her when we come back to the states to see family. I plan on during that as often as money will allow, like during the summer, or for a few weeks, or months at a time. I also have stated that he can come to visit her in Wales, although this is not very likely to happen.
For many reasons, which are too personal to get into here, Chianna and her father do not have a close relationship, and there are many issues at hand. I still feel that if at all possible, they should remain in contact, after all, he is her father. BBut my main concern is protecting her from being hurt by him, so I kind of need to draw the line somewhere.
But, I'm straying from the subject here lol.
The point i'm trying to make here is, I am willing to give him room to see his daughter, as he is her father.
No, I wouldn't, however much I love them. Sorry, I come first.